


a pinch on the neck

by mimesere



Series: intergalactic superfriends [3]
Category: Superman - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 22:56:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8772661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mimesere/pseuds/mimesere
Summary: Propaganda, manta rays, Star Trek.





	

**Author's Note:**

> my knowledge of which properties belong to which company are kind of hazy. so i am just taking it for granted that since marvel has NYC and DC has Metropolis, that the pop cultural frame of reference is closer in the marvel universe than in the DC one. i cannot believe i am trying to disclaim a crackfic.

Lois isn’t entirely sure what she was expecting out of Jane’s research assistant – someone a lot like Jane maybe, or someone her exact opposite, quiet and organized where Jane is all enthusiasm and genius and passion for quantum realities and the business of stars – but whatever it was, it definitely wasn’t someone who can deliver a pretty intense comparative analysis of metahuman political status in the 40s versus the modern day while making jello shots.

“So like, it’s really interesting to look at Captain America, right? Because he’s totally a product of his time but operating in the modern political sphere–” She drops a baking sheet covered in something chocolatey onto the coffee table in front of Lois and drops herself onto the couch next to Lois. “But the modern geopolitical scene is not super friendly to a star spangled man, you know?”

“It’s not like he’s advocating for anything really,” says Jane. She hands Lois a chunk of chocolate covered...cracker?. “Darcy makes really good matzoh candy, you should have some. And she pairs her jello flavors to go along with it.”

“No, but like. His costume is pretty much a flag. I mean, a really well filled out flag but still a flag. And everyone knows the story, right?” Darcy hums a few bars of something that Lois doesn’t recognize. “He was totally a propaganda tool and that doesn’t just go away because he happens to be really good at punching things and flinging around a frisbee.”

The matzoh candy really is excellent.

“Or you know, like, how do you even deal with someone like Thor who is a sovereign in his own right or he was until he abdicated so he could bone Jane–

"He didn’t abdicate so we could be together!” Jane says.

“Uh huh, and so like, Asgard doesn’t really have any political influence on Earth because of how they’re space aliens–

"Interdimensional aliens–”

“From outer space! But like. The existence of people who have magic powers and can fly and giant robot things with laser faces or like, alien invasions of space whales has this huge impact on everything without having anyone to talk to or negotiate with. So it’s a mess.”

“We have something like that,” says Lois, still back on the part where Jane’s boyfriend is some kind of space royalty. “There’s a guy, right, who is pretty much king of the ocean. Or so he says. It’s really hard to verify because of the whole crushing depths and not being able to breathe water thing and he doesn’t like people who live on land, really, so interviews are not really a thing.”

Darcy leans forward. “No way, like King Triton? Does he have a chariot pulled by dolphins because that would be amazing? Oh my God, does he have a tail?”

Lois files that mental image away to share with Clark some time when he’s not spending the whole day hovering around in Stark Tower while Dr Simmons asks him question after question about how he’s doing that.

“No tail,” Lois says, “but sometimes he rides a giant manta ray.”

“That is the best thing I’ve ever heard,” says Darcy. “That’s even better than dolphins.”

Jane is on her fourth jello shot and nods solemnly. “Manta rays are definitely better than dolphins.” And then, after a moment, she says, “I wonder if your Clark’s flying is because he’s creating some kind of localized field where gravity is inverted.”

Lois counts the number of flipped over shot glasses in front of Jane. It’s still four.

“Whatever,” says Darcy. “It’s still better than throwing a hammer and holding on.”

“But he’d still be–okay you know what, at least throwing a hammer made out of magic space metal and holding on has some basis in Newtonian physics so it’s not the worst theory–anyway he’s still interacting with regular gravity, so there has to be some kind of…something. Your boyfriend is weird.”

“The weirdest,” Lois agrees.

“Jemma thinks he might be part plant. Because of the sunshine thing.”

“What,” says Darcy, “like photosynthesis?”

“Clark is not a plant.”

“But he’s an alien. So he could be part plant.”

Darcy gasps suddenly. “Is that why aliens are green?”

Lois and Jane both look at her, confused.

“Are they green because they’re plants?”

“I’ve never met a green alien, I don’t think,” says Lois. She’s met more aliens than she really wants to think about.

“We’ve never been invaded by green aliens either,” says Jane. “But if I had to guess, I would put more money on different light refraction or a different set of base elements and not plants so much.”

“Like Mr Spock,” says Darcy.

Jane beams at her. “Exactly!”

“Who’s Mr. Spock?” asks Lois.

Darcy’s eyes go wide. “Jane, she hasn’t seen Star Trek. Wait,” she turns to Lois. “Do the words Darth Vader mean anything to you?”

Lois knows, KNOWS, she’s setting herself up for something but she’s tipsy enough and in charity enough with the universe not to care. “No?”

Darcy lets out a noise that Lois is pretty sure only tiny children and probably some kind of space alien can hear. “It’s like movie Christmas.”

Jane tips another shot glass over. “You don’t celebrate Christmas.”

“Right, okay, so it’s like movie Purim but still. Get the DVDs, this is going to be amazing.” Darcy hauls herself off the couch and back into the kitchen.

“What is even happening?” Lois asks.

“Darcy is a nerd,” says Jane. “Just. The biggest nerd. And you’ve never seen Star Trek.”

Darcy comes out of the kitchen waving a package of pop tarts. “Oh like you’re not a nerd, you big liar. You are living the space nerd dream right now.”

“I’m betting I’m going to see Star Trek,” says Lois.

Jane nods. “You are definitely going to see at least one Star Trek series.”

“And the movies,” says Darcy. “I mean, especially the one with the whales.”

Jane drags the cushions off her arm chair and throws them onto the floor next to the couch. “Get comfortable,” she says to Lois. “You’re going to be here a while.”


End file.
